2009 was a year of heartbreak for us. I spent a lot of time that year in personal turmoil, searching for God’s presence in the midst of things I did not understand- and wondering if I really wanted any part of God’s plan if it meant giving up things I did not want to. One day while I was googling some music I heard in a film I stumbled upon a band called Future of Forestry, now one of my favorites, and this song in particular:
It didn’t change my life. But when I look back on that time- and thankfully I can, and see God’s grace in the journey- the song in a way has become symbolic of a lesson learned.
Today we went back to the spacious church. Every seat was full. The welcome was even warmer than before. They had even prepared a meal for all of the new people who have recently joined them. In the midst of the worship, the preacher stood up and shared a particular message that he felt God had given him, inspired by a large road sign on the motorway this morning. He felt God was saying that there were people in the room who were on a journey, and that all the road signs were pointing them in a certain direction. They just needed to follow the signs, step out in faith and make the big decision that was looming in front of them.
As we listened our eyebrows went up. Every part of what he said was how we would describe our situation… until it came to the part about making a big decision. At that point I whispered to my husband, ‘Yeah, but we’re not waiting to make a decision. We’re waiting for them to clear the flippin’ upturned lorry in the road so that we get moving again.’ (Yep, I said flippin’ in church. Don’t tell the kids.)
Was that message for us? I don’t know- because as I so poetically pointed out to my husband, it’s not our decision that we’re waiting for. Our file is sitting on a desk somewhere, in an office which does not take telephone calls and won’t reply to our emails. If there is a government shut-down tomorrow, that office won’t be manned for weeks. With all these delays, will the job still be held for my husband by the time we are ready to leave? Are we really going where we think we are, or are we headed for a great big dead end?
We are waiting on something that is completely out of our hands. And I’m learning that I am a person of decision and action- sitting back and watching things which are out of my control play out of their own accord does not work well for me.
So this afternoon I went for a walk. And as I was listening to my iphone on shuffle, guess which song came on?
Yep, you got it.
Oh, the sweet, sweet irony. Wherever we are by the end of 2014- either geographically or metaphorically- will still be so much better than where we were in 2009. So I shall sit back, and wait, and try my best to do it with grace.
Thanks to all of you who have been praying, crossing your fingers, or thinking happy thoughts for us on this journey. Continued prayers/fingercrossings/thoughts would be so much appreciated!